Did your parents have a favorite child?
Research published in the Psychological Bulletin suggests they may have and the factors contributing to favoritism may surprise you.
“Parents tend to favor daughters, agreeable children (those who are compliant) and the conscientious (those who are responsible),” Alexander Jensen, PhD, lead author of the study and an associate professor at Brigham Young University told Theravive.
“80% or more of the population has at least one sibling. I have siblings, and I have kids. It’s a question we’ve all been asked, so I wanted to know. Although it can be funny and a lighthearted question, it can really impact some people too.”
The researchers undertook a meta-analysis of 30 peer reviewed articles as well as dissertations and theses.
Together with 14 databases, this amounted to more than 19 thousand participants.
The researchers looked at factors like birth order, temperament, gender and personality traits and how these were associated with parental favoritism.
The personality traits they examined included neuroticism, openness, agreeableness, extraversion and conscientiousness.
They examined favoritism across five key areas: overall treatment of the child, positive interactions, control, resource allocation and negative interactions.
The researchers found that children who were conscientious, responsible and organized typically received more favorable treatment from their parents. The researchers say this may be because parents find those children easier to manage.
The study authors had initially thought fathers would favor their sons and mothers their daughers. But the study concluded both mothers and fathers were more likely to favor daughters.
Siblings who aren’t as favorably treated often have poorer mental health as well as more strained relationships with their family.
“Decades of studies suggest that favoritism can impact people negatively. Children who are treated less favorably are particularly at risk for greater substance use, poorer mental health, poorer family relationships, they also tend to get in trouble more at school and home,” Jensen said.
“All parents treat their children differently. Let’s be more thoughtful about those differences and be thoughtful about where they might be harmful. I hope parents will use our study as a catalyst to consider how they may treat their children differently, then work to make sure those differences are fair and understood by their children. Here’s an example. A few years ago my oldest daughter, who was about 6 at the time, said to me one day, « It isn’t fair, my little sister has more clothes than me. I have 5 dresses, and she has 8. » I asked her where all her clothes come from. She said that we buy them for her. I then asked what happens when she outgrows those. She recognized that her little sister got all her hand-me-downs. When that clicked she looked at me and said, « Oh, that makes sense, ok. » Then she jumped up and ran off to play. I think parents can take the steps to understand how their children feel about this issue and try to make changes as needed. Those changes may be in the parenting, or they may be in helping their children understand why those differences in parenting exist,” Jensen said.
“There is often a temptation for all of us to look at the results of a study and say, « That’s not my family, that study must be worthless. » That’s not how research works, it doesn’t identify exactly how patterns are in every specific family. But I hope that parents will take results like these and be more introspective and honest with themselves about their own parenting. Recognize that you may be inclined to give one child the benefit of the doubt more than another, or you may be more affectionate with one child over another. If you recognize that within yourself as a parent, work to make sure you are meeting the needs of your children. Those needs will be different, you will have to treat them differently to some degree, but make sure you are doing it with the intent to meet their needs and not just do what is easiest.”